March 2012
Whos awake ?
I’m still here stuck at the hospital. Lol
Keep me company!
going to the hospital.
Idk why but I’m having trouble breathing and pain on my chest area, mainly around the heart.
have a good night.
I hardly find people worth chasing these days.
I hate feeling like all I do is burden others.
People don’t understand me very well, and that’s no one’s fault but my own. I make myself hard to understand because I don’t need people knowing every little thing about me. I don’t want to have someone who knows me better than myself. I want to be the one who helps others understand me, rather than having them figure me out themselves.
I’ll even admit that I’m not easy to get along with and that...
1 tag
You’re one of those people that I need in my life. I feel like, as long you’re around, I’ll be able to live and breathe. But as soon as you walk out, everything will just collapse around me. I know this is terrible and that I shouldn’t rely on another person but that’s just the way I feel. I see myself dying when you leave. Maybe not on the outside, but every part within my being will...
2 tags
All I want is for you to see the side that I don’t show to anyone in fear that they may turn and run.
February 2012
Maja salvador is so damn cute.
ugh
I never really put much thought into anything I’ve...
I sort of just act on impulse. And that’s probably one of my biggest downfalls — one among millions.
I don’t ever think. I just “do.” It’s as if all I know is, “act now, think later.” It’s retarded, I know. But it’s kind of interesting to know that that’s how I think, that’s how I do things. It’s odd and unusual, but I find it so captivating. I don’t know myself that well. So, forgive me if it...
As much as I hate to admit it, it hurts to know...
Follow the yolo brick road
LOL
Wow
A person in my college class just turned 5 years old.
If you get it, you’d know why. Lol
It seems I always lose my friends because we get too close or we don’t get close enough. I don’t know why I can’t remain satisfied or content with where I stand in my friendships. But I do know that it brings me down every single time.
I get annoyed with people who tell me that they miss me and that I don’t talk to them often enough. I don’t see why I have to be the one to initiate the conversation every damn time. And I don’t get why you tell me you miss me but never make plans with me. We could be talking or cruising if you weren’t wasting your breath complaining about how I neglect you or ignore you.
And, honestly, I think...
Time to take a nap
I just hope its like 1-2 hours long instead of the usual 5 hour long naps lol
My mom is cute
After she heard about my break up last night, she wanted to sleep next to me to keep me company cuz she thought I would of been all depressed and shit. I was but I’m feelin better now. Anyways, I tried to kick her out and told her I was fine but she wouldn’t budge so I let her in…-_-
BUT, after 5 mins, she left and went back to her room cuz she said I kept moving a lot. LOL
It upsets me when people overuse the phrase, “I love you.” I mean, honestly, I can’t tell whether people mean it or not. It’s said so often that sometimes it’s hard to believe, you know? I feel like questioning all the people that claim they love me. Do you really love me? Or are you just part of the huge percentage of the world that uses the phrase just for the hell of it?
Intense conversations are so much more interesting than your average, everyday conversations. I like how things get heated and personal, but never “too personal.” Heck, if you want to call it a ‘debate’ then by all means, so be it. It doesn’t cross that certain line though, you know?
It’s just you and that other person, one-on-one. You’re throwing thoughts, ideas, feelings, and just...
1 tag
When "Good" intentions turn out wrong..
I’m always doing the things I don’t mean to do.
I give everyone a hard time when I want to make things easier. I complicate situations when what I really want to do is fix them. I’m always pushing people away when I mean to bring them closer. I throw my friendships into turmoil when I try to mend them. I’m constantly closing off my heart when what I really want is to open it. I’m turning people...
I hate being involved in misunderstandings. I have to go out of my way to fix things and make sure no one gets hurt in the process. It’s a damn pain in my ass, to be honest. I don’t like having to stress about shit like that. Messy situations just aren’t my forté.
I enjoy mysterious people.
Everything about them keeps me interested.
I like knowing that there’s more to them than what I’m seeing. I like that they reveal themselves ever so slowly. I like seeing them unravel, seeing the layers come off one by one, seeing the walls come down gradually but not so quickly as to reveal everything all at once. I like digging for answers to the questions that arose within my brain. I like the...
I wish I had more of those days where I’m happy for no damn reason whatsoever. I wish I could wake up with this ridiculous grin on my face, despite all of the work and drama I have ahead of me. I don’t know why. It could be that I haven’t had one of those days in the longest time, or maybe I’m just tired of feeling like the days are slowly killing me. I’m not sure. I just want to see the day I can...
“I’m sorry” doesn’t do anything anymore. It’s meaningless once you’ve heard it thousands of times. It’s like you handing someone a rag that you’ve used hundreds of times. Or like spitting over-used pick-up lines that don’t even work. It’s useless, pointless, and not even worth listening to. Your apology isn’t what I’m searching for.
I’m looking for something greater than that.
And words aren’t...
I hate how everyone here has got something great about themselves to show off to the world, and I’ve got nothing to offer but my boring ass self.
Fuck you guys, damn talented bitches.
Solitude and companionship.
I’m not sure which one I value more. I have my days where I can’t stand the world and would rather be left by myself to rot and die. However, I still have days where I’m lonesome and long to have someone there with me. There’s a fine line between the two though. And I can’t seem to figure out which one I like more.
A new friend
Give me someone headstrong. Someone who’s looking for a sentimental friendship that they’re willing to commit to. Someone who won’t bail out on me after promising me the entire fucking world. Someone who’s willing to use mutual trust as the foundation of our friendship. Someone spontaneous and vibrant when the mood in the room just dies. Someone who will depend on me just as often as I depend on...
"Perfect"
What a stupid word. It’s a word without any actual meaning. A word that seems to do nothing but set an unachievable standard. It’s a word that’s pointless and a word I hate using. I don’t understand why we have words for things that don’t exist. It only forms this false hope in the minds of dreamers and sets people up for let-downs and disappointment. It’s words like “perfect” that are completely...
I want to do something and feel like I’ve done it...
If death came knocking at my front door, I wouldn’t hesitate to open it. Heck, i’d even shake his hand to greet him.
o wait
Innocence
I like innocence, you know? Being able to see that pure look in other people, that fear of the unknown still firmly planted and intact, that frightened look instilled in their eyes. It’s beautiful. Fucking beautiful. I love seeing innocence in the eyes of someone else just as much as I love being the one to steal it.
My mind is clouded with doubt
Why is that when I think that something’s right, it always feels wrong? Why is that when I finally grasp the happiness I’ve always yearned for, I feel like I’m selfishly grabbing hold of something I really don’t deserve? Why is it that when I finally stop caring, I feel like I’m bailing out on something I shouldn’t even think of giving up on? Why is that when I finally let go, I feel like I...
not impressed with the dunk contest ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’d be nice to have life treat me well once in a while. I know there are others out there who are doing far worse than I happen to be doing now. But, it’d be nice to be rewarded or graced with a few accomplishments from time to time. I feel like I’ve lived my life always getting the short end of the stick. And, to be honest, I’m pretty fucking tired of it. I want to have it good for once. Is...
I’ve been lacking inspiration lately. And, to make matters worse, it’s difficult to find inspiration when majority of it has gone with the people who have left this place. It seems that no matter how high, low, or deep I search, I can not find inspiration worth using. This place lacks substance now. The people here lack substance. Maybe not all, but I’d say the vast majority of this place does....
Just show me, don't say it.
I’d appreciate it if you’d stop telling me that you’re going to be there for me. Saying that isn’t going to make me trust you and you should already know that I’m not comfortable with telling other people about my struggles. If you’re really going to ”be there” for me, then be there. Don’t tell me…
It’s funny how we’ve gone from being awkwardly acquainted to being completely comfortable with each other.
We talk for hours without losing the flow of our conversation. We turn our struggles into beautiful experiences. We dance in our mistakes and make do with what we have. We share painful memories and reveal the stories behind our scars. We grow together and we learn together almost like...
I’m not so smooth in the relationship department.
I’m not even going to hide it. I’m really not good at it.
I hate depending on anyone other than myself, so I shy away from gaining happiness through experience with others. I have my moments where I’ll use a friend just to get myself to smile, but that doesn’t happen as often as it should. I just like being independent and I value the time I have...
I disappoint so much people.
crystalea:
I don’t deserve to be alive.
I’m a total bitch. I’m mean. I use people. I lie. I’m stubborn.
pretty much me ^ but as an asshole.
To be honest, i’m not into the whole essence of finding a ‘soul mate’ because I find that rather cheesy. To me, i’m more into being with someone who doesn’t make me feel alone and someone I can recklessly become comfortable with—meaning doing whatever the fuck I want and that person still wouldn’t judge me for any of my actions. Oh and still love me...
I was never a morning person. But I wouldn’t consider myself a night time kind of kid either. I prefer sitting in the dark over bathing in the sunlight, but night time isn’t always my cup of tea. You see, I enjoy the silence that consumes me at night. I enjoy the darkness and serenity that envelopes me as I sit quietly in a sea of black. However, the thoughts that visit me during this time are...
It’s so amusing how you come to me for advice. I mean, just what exactly do you think you’ll gain from asking me for help when it’s apparent that I can’t even help myself? I don’t mean to sound insensitive or brash because I admit that it’s nice to know you’d like to confide in me and all all, but this makes no sense. It’s obvious that I’m still having trouble fixing problems of my own. So what...
Suck it up and get over it
I’m not much of a dreamer anymore. I’m more of a realist than anything. I no longer torture myself with the foolish hope that I used to have and I’m barely ever around long enough to put up with anyone’s games. I’ve grown out of letting others have their way with me. And I’ve come far from allowing others to manipulate me or toy with me in whatever way they please.
You could say it’s because I’ve...
Nothing I write ever sounds the way I want it to. Every word I’ve envisioned and every emotion I’ve struggled for so long trying to convey is still drifting somewhere amongst my thoughts. And it’s because there’s something about the internet that makes me feel like I can’t say just anything. I still find myself refraining and holding things back. Yet, I continue to write here. I don’t understand...
Dang I somehow woke up listening to secondhand serenade. Lol it really brings me back.
Anyways good morning
